February 18, 2010

Quite alright.

Things seem to be looking up at the moment.

Incase you didn't already know, I've been feeling meloncholy. & the fact that I've been sick..well more that my body's just been exhusted doesn't make anything any better. But today, after practice, I felt better. Perhaps it was due to the exercise. (releases endorphines) but who knows. I'm glad to be back. Well semi..mostly back. I'm trying to open new doors for myself & I feel like i'm succeeding...just a little if any..but its something! Some are closing though..but thats alright. When one door closes, another opens.

Despite the fact that things are starting to turn around, I've been streessed about school ! *pulls hair out* I've been missing alot lately due to mental illness :P & that is not good. I feel like i'm falling behind.
PULL IT TOGETHER BARBARA. You want to go to U.C Santa Barbara right?!?
We'll see where this goes. Hopefully up along side with mood.

Moving on. So..my friend Brenda Mendez. She is something else.
She has picked herself up of the ground. Up from her past life & is now..so on fire for God its crazy. She's just soo..sure of herself & God. I'm proud of her.
But for some reason I can't help but feel inferior to her. Not only to her though. To so many others who talk to me about Christ. Only because I'm no longer at the place they're are now. & that only pushes me farther away. Like..I feel as if they are better than me in some sort of way..as if I don't "fit in" or fit the typical "christian" role at my church anymore. I'm working on it though. I still have my own relationship with Him. I still talk to Him. Hopefully this whole prayer team thing will "open more doors" for me. Open my eye's to what i've been missing. Not only me though. Aixa too. But who knows if its even in the plan for me. Only God..duh
I should be asleeep.

I bid you ado.